In the three circle Venn diagram of the classic entertainer’s “triple threat”, you have singing, acting, and dancing. The combination really only makes me think of three things: Beyoncé, Jennifer Lopez & every single person on Broadway which isn’t really my bag. What is very much my bag, is a crossover of just two of those circles and in a specific order: I love when an established singer makes a movie. When it’s good it’s so good and when it’s bad it’s so bad.
Last week it was announced that Taylor Swift trademarked “Female Rage: The Musical” which, for so many reasons that I won’t get into here, put vomit at the back of my throat. (I need you to write me and tell me if you think Taylor Swift has ever seen Girl, Interrupted. I’m so curious.) Some attempts by singers to pivot to acting are so clearly forced, so clearly awards hungry and so visibly shallow they short circuit my brain a little bit. Swift’s upcoming project seems like one of those attempts to me, especially following her two flop tries at acting to date (Cats, Amsterdam).
Some are less desperate and more… eyebrow raising. Even though Don’t Worry Darling was genuinely so bad and Harry Styles proved once and for all that he is not a triple threat, the film did give us that insane Venice showing inclusive of a quote that I use once a week in jest: “My favorite thing about the movie is, like, it feels like a movie. It feels like a real, like, you know, go-to-the-theater-film movie." Styles is in good company of unserious tryhards: JLo (you know I love Hustlers), Elvis, Ice T (I would lose it if he left Law and Order: SVU), etc. I love the mid-to-bad castings, stunt or not, it’s fun to see someone try something if it feels genuine.
But like I said, when it’s good it’s so good. This week, I thought I’d make a list highlighting a few of my favorite singer-gone-actor performances.
Dolly Parton, 9 to 5
Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda and Dolly… there are not enough translations of the word “mother.” Three women scorned by their sexist boss team up, smoke weed and fantasize about how to kill get back at him. I won’t give anything else away but Dolly’s performance is absolutely iconic. Parton’s public persona played into her role in a way that is both smart casting & smart publicity. I honestly don’t know if Parton can dance but, she is my triple threat because her third circle is championing childhood literacy. And she wrote “I Will Always Love You”, like, come on.
Prince, Purple Rain
When I was doing light research for this newsletter I found an article from NPR about how Purple Rain was made and this is how it opens: “Here's a recipe for disaster: a low-budget movie with a cast that's never acted before, a first-time director, and a star who refuses to do publicity.” But somehow it’s not a disaster at all, it’s a great example of how a conceptual album can transition into other formats. Has this movie aged well in our more enlightened times? No. Is Prince a one of a kind performer who should have had a blank check to make whatever he wanted from the second he was born? Well, yes! This has been on my shortlist of Film Club submissions two or three times and maybe next season I’ll pull trig. I’m nervous because being raised by a midwestern mother makes this is a film I might not be able to hear negative opinions on.
Lady Gaga, A Star is Born (film & press tour)
I really don’t think my third eye was opened until it was announced that Lady Gaga would be staring a modern version of A Star is Born. Who could come close to Barbra? Those of us with a half brain knew there was only one answer: Gaga. When her career began, MTV was still showing music videos & I remember seeing “Alejandro” for the first time. My mom was adamant that there had not been an artist like this since Madonna, someone who is highly conceptual and has endless ability to reinvent themselves. Time has proven right over and over again. Gaga is a performer unlike almost anyone else and that has bought her a very long rope even though she’s sometimes a less-than-spectacualar actress. Every time I watch A Star is Born, I still think of the first time I saw it and how I caught myself smiling even during horrifically sad scenes just because I was elated to see Gaga do her thing. That said, it really is possible that her best acting performance was on the Oscars stage with Bradley Cooper. I’m fairly sure she ended his marriage up there & I’m certain she had everyone in their living rooms looking at each other sideways.
I will not speak on House of Gucci right now & I will also hold my tongue on her upcoming Joker musical… One other note on A Star is Born though: Bradley Cooper actually should have won the Oscar that year. It was an absolutely terrible line up and some how they went with the worst choice: Rami Malik????? All I’m saying is that if I was on that Academy voting board it wouldn’t have gone down like that. [For those playing along at home I think this is like my 5th reference to that Mark Wahlberg quote.] We also wouldn’t still be enduring Cooper’s awards desperation. I honestly should do a whole piece on Cooper, we share the same birthday and I have some Capricorn-specific insights to share.
Cher, Moonstruck
On a recent trip, upon checking into my hotel, I flipped the TV on and was immediately greeted by Moonstruck just starting on cable. I didn’t move for the next hour and thirty even though I’d been on a 6 hour flight and hadn’t eaten a thing all day. I hadn’t seen it in probably four years and I was instantly just as engrossed as I was the first time i saw it (as a child, again, this is a big one for my mom who literally coined the term “ugly sexy” to describe Nic Cage & altered the trajectory of my life. Thanks mom!) This is the performance to end all performances. Did you expect anything less from LITERAL CHER? The glamour synonymous with the entertainer is toned down to play a very young widow in Brooklyn Heights who is engaged to be married again. Among my favorite line deliveries of all time is Loretta (Cher) saying “no” after being asked “do you love him, Loretta?” about her fiancée. Then she falls in love with his brother and the rest is history— Cher, Best Actress 1988, Queen of Everything (including Twitter) 1946 - Present.
What I’m Watching This Week
Absolutely horrendous week at the box office, my god. Nothing even close to great came out 5/17 so I won’t be in the theater for anything new until Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga releases later this week.
I actually haven’t seen La Chimera yet and it’s still playing at a few small theaters so I should get on that ASAP.
Apologies if I’ve mentioned it recently, but I have been watching Law & Order: SVU from the beginning for a few months now. It’s not the first time I’ve watched every episode but it’s the first time in a long time. Honestly, I hope it runs 25 more seasons.